Never Fall In Love With a Werewolf
by Mairead Monroe
Summary: CHAPTER TEN! It's the night after the incident in the Department of Mysteries. Remus trails of to Grimmauld Place where he was staying with Sirius. What awaits him now that his faithful friend is gone? COMPLETE!
1. Counting Up The Demons

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Never fall in love with a Werewolf 

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Chapter One - Counting Up The Demons 

"Oh!" Remus leaned against the front door breathing heavily, he placed his weary hand on the handle to shut it. "Oh my…" He whispered, he felt sick, his stomach was churning, his head was spinning, all he wanted to do was shut out the world and never have to face anyone again. Remus slid down the door and landed with a thump on the wooden floor. He dropped his wand, and brought his trembling hands to his pale face. He had finally succumbed to grief. Sirius was gone. Gone forever. 

Remus didn't know how to handle death this time round. When James and Lily were killed, he at least had hope in the shape of baby Harry. Now what did he have? How was Harry going to cope? Remus didn't want to think about it at all, he just wanted to shut out the night's tragic events, pretend they didn't ever happen, and he'd go upstairs and he'd see Sirius hanging out the doorframe to the first floor bathroom, a yellow toothbrush in his mouth singing a summer song to himself. 

However, when Remus did get up to go to bed, he didn't see Sirius hanging out the doorframe, he couldn't hear him breathing heavily from his bedroom, and he didn't smell his familiar aroma drifting from the drawing room where he'd sit and read Muggle novels until late in the night. Realising this, and drawing to the conclusion he'd never see Sirius again, Remus dragged himself up to the second floor, silent tears streaming from his pallid, lined face. He slowly pulled himself into bed, in the old silent house, still fully clothed. 

Remus was woken up at about 6 O'clock in the morning. The sun had risen, and a single beam was illuminating the dust flying about the room. Remus looked around the room to try and find what had woken him and saw Tonks towering over his bed. 

__

"Remus…" Tonks said sympathetically, looking down at Remus, her dark eyes twinkling, and her hair black in respect for Sirius. 

"Why are you here?" He grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. 

"To see you silly! You can't stay in this house alone…" Tonks muttered looking around at the dank, dark blue room. 

"I can manage perfectly fine, Tonks." Remus said indignantly, Remus smiled at Tonks and ruffled his hair. "Really, I can manage on my own." Remus threw the pale blue duvet off the bed and hopped out. Tonks shook her head.

"You're still fully clothed!" She shrieked looking at Remus with wide eyes. "You're _not _fine, Remus." Tonks muttered, she shook her head again. 

"I think, Tonks, I think I know what I'm feeling." He frowned at Tonks, and pulled on a frayed beige dressing gown over his robes. 

"I'm not stupid Remus!" Tonks groaned, following him out of the bedroom, almost tripping over her long indigo mohair robes. "You and Sirius lived together, he was your best friend-"

"Tonks, I know you care, I was away most weekends, so we weren't together that often…" Remus's voice trailed off, he now regretted doing weekend jobs when he could have spent more time with Sirius.

"Remus?" Tonks's voice echoed in his head, he wasn't quite sure of what he was doing, he shuddered and moped off to the bathroom.

"I, need the toilet." Remus muttered, as he walked away from Tonks. Tonks stared at him once again wide eyed. 

Remus clamoured into the bathroom, and shut the door behind him. He was shaking, his hands trembled as he took them off the brass door handle. He looked into the mirror across the room, he didn't see a young man in his mid-thirties, but he saw a man who had lost another friend because of the evil of Voldemort… Remus started to feel anger rising in his veins, and an absolute hatred blistering under his composed façade. Remus knew he had to stay calm, he always had to stay calm, people would be scared if they saw him angry, he knew it, thy would probably be scared that he'd bite them…

"You were a while Remus." Tonks said disapprovingly, now sitting at the kitchen table with two mugs of tea. 

"Yeah, had a shower, sorry about that." Remus muttered distantly. He sat down opposite Tonks and took a sip of his tea. "Delicious, perfect Tonks." Remus smiled over the rim of his mug. 

"So?" 

"So, what?" Remus put down his mug and looked intently at Tonks.

"Are you OK? Don't tell me you are, or change the subject, because I know you're not _fine_, you're far from it! Look at you, falling asleep in your robes, you don't do that, and nor do you change the subject and trail off to the bathroom." Remus dropped his gaze, and stared at his hands.

"I just wanted to be left alone, I now see that's not such a good idea, you're right Tonks. I'm not _fine_." Remus sighed heavily and now turned to face the grey ceiling. "Nothing is _fine _anymore." 

"Remus…" Tonks whispered, rubbing his hand soothingly. "It's normal to feel like this."

"How would you know? Ever lost your only, oldest and best friend?"

"Excuse me? _Only_? Remus, I think you'll find that you have many friends. But I did loose my best friend when I ten." Tonks said gravely, now clutching Remus's warm hands. 

"You did, what was her name?"

"_His, _name was Oberon. He was leaning out the window of his house, got a fright from his family's house elf, Camille, and fell out." 

"I'm sorry." Remus muttered, wholly apologetic about not knowing about her friend. "Never knew." 

"It's OK, it was twelve years ago, made new friends, better friends since then." Tonks smiled at Remus. "Your turn."

"I lost my best friend, when I was twenty four, his name was James Potter, his wife Lily, another good friend of mine, was also killed. Only Harry survived." Remus sighed. "I wonder, how Harry is coping…" 

"Poor boy, first his parents, now his godfather. Life's been cruel on him. He has you now."

"Harry, has me? I seriously doubt I'll be of any use to him. I cannot fill the hole in his heart that Sirius one filled."

"Harry has a space in his heart for you! You'll never be able to replace Sirius, but Harry needs someone to look up to, be that person Remus." Remus barely had time to marvel at this side to Tonks, all he did was smile softly at her and nod. Remus let go of Tonks's clutch, and swallowed some more tea. 

"Last night, I lost my best, and oldest friend Sirius Black." Remus continued, breathing heavily and gravely. "H-he, he was killed," Remus was now shaking. "Killed by Bellatrix Lestranges." Tonks swore under her breath, Remus looked up. 

"Forgot we were related?" 

"Oh, yes. _That._" 

"I'll try to forget. I have done many times before." 

"I hope you do. I cant imagine how it would feel."

"And I don't want to." Tonks spat, her eyes darting to the stone floor. "Continue Remus, the only way for the pain to go away is to talk about it."

"Oh, yes." Remus muttered, he didn't really want to pour his heart out, not now, not ever. "Where was I? Oh yes." Reluctantly, Remus started to talk to Tonks once again. "He was killed, last night. Murdered like James and Lily. Killed like James and Lily. He's gone, like James and Lily." Remus's voice broke. He stopped talking and stared into oblivion. He turned away from Tonks taking another sip of (now cold) tea. He now felt ready to tell Tonks everything. 

He started off telling her about when he received the bite, his fears, his doubts. How he wished he would die every time he saw the full moon, and started to feel the excruciating pain, just staring at this silvery orb in the sky. 

Remus told her how he made friends at Hogwarts, Sirius, James and Peter. He told her how he wished they would never find out, because, if they did he as sure they would hate him, leave him, abandon him. He told her how fantastic The Marauders were when they found out about his condition. He told her the pain he had, now that all his friends were gone, and that now he was only left with memories. 

Remus told her his fears for Harry, and his fears for himself. How would he manage without Sirius? How was a life without his best friend going to be bearable?…

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Disclaimer 

All characters belong to J K Rowling, obviously, although, I am trying everything to make Remus mine… Not working though! 


	2. Such is a Way To The Stars

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Never fall in love with a Werewolf 

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Author's Note _Wow! Thank you all for the reviews! I'm dead chuffed, it's the only thing that has cheered me up since, well that rather un-timely death of our beloved Padfoot…. Well, enjoy the next chapter as I've had shed many tears writing it! And thank you all again for the reviews! As a writer, it's wonderful to know people are reading your work and enjoying it, always pushes those endomorphines, plus, it gives me something positive to do before I go to College and get my GCSE (The Muggle OWLS to you non Brits!) results!! Wish me good luck! Anyway, enough of my rambling, back to the story!! _

Chapter Two - Such is a way to the stars

"Ready Remus?" Tonks asked, straightening her plain black hat, and dusting her black dress adorned with black jewels. 

"Oh, yes. I think so." Remus looked at himself in the mirror and pulled himself into his full height. "What time is it Tonks?"

"Erm," Tonks looked at her wrist watch, "Half past two." 

"Good, I want to talk to Harry before the service begins." Remus looked gravely at his black shabby robes. "I wish I could at least have better robes for Sirius."

"Don't worry about it, you look," Tonks paused, as if to ponder her answer, "fine, just fine. Right lets be off!" And with that, they both Apparated to Hogsmead with a bang and a crack. 

*

Shivering slightly at the sight of Hogwarts where Sirius's memorial service was to be held, the place where he was happiest… Remus gave the towering turrets one sorrowful look, and turned around to face the lush Scottish countryside south of Hogwarts. He stared into the carpet of green, and remembered when he first came to Hogwarts, scared like a mouse, but willing to prove that werewolves were not vicious, foolish people… He didn't want Dumbledore to think he was incapable of studies once at Hogwarts, he wanted to make Dumbledore proud, and make sure the newly build Shrieking Shack, tunnel leading to it, and of course the newly planted Whomping Willow hadn't been a waste. Later on in his life at Hogwarts, he discovered that academic studies doesn't make a wizard, but the choices me make. 

"Remus?" A man's voice reverberated around his head, bringing him to his senses. "Are you OK there?" Remus turned around and saw Arthur and Molly Weasley looking fatigued and concerned.

"Oh I'll be alright." Remus smiled at them appreciatively, he shook Arthur's hand, however, when he went to shake Molly's hand, she pulled him into a motherly cuddle.

"Now you see here Remus, you go over to Harry and be the adult he needs to look up too." Molly said, letting go of Remus. "You two have both lost someone dear to you, and you knew James awfully well, Harry would appreciate it, Remus dear." She nodded over to a group of three by the gates to Hogwarts, Harry slightly separated from Ron and Hermione. Harry was leaning on the wall his arms folded his face determined and resolute. "He has said two words to Arthur and I ever since he came to us last week. That was 'Hi' and 'Mmm'." Remus glanced over at Harry and then back to Molly. 

"That's what Tonks said, but I don't think I'm convinced. Harry would think I was trying to replace Sirius, I know he would, Harry's defensive like that." 

"Well, I think you ought to anyway Remus." Remus wasn't in the mood to argue with Molly Weasley, he merely shrugged his shoulders and began to walk over to Harry. 

* 

The Great Lake shimmered like diamonds, as the friends of Sirius made their way to the area by the lake where the Memorial Ceremony was to be held. Dumbledore stood by the lake gazing silently leaning on a knobbly golden walking stick, he appeared to be lost in thought. A bitter breeze was blowing, making Dumbledore's silver beard blow out behind him. 

"Professor?" Remus walked over to him, his head hanging low. 

"Ah, Remus." Dumbledore smiled gravely at Remus. "I was hoping to see you before the Ceremony starts. It's about Harry."

"Isn't it always? Why can't he be given a break, just for once?" 

"His destiny doesn't allow him to." Dumbledore sighed heavily and finally turned to face Remus. "But that doesn't mean he can't. Now that Sirius has gone on another adventure," Dumbledore waved his right hand impatiently "Harry is going to need someone-"

"I know Albus, Tonks, Molly and Arthur have already said. I keep on debating it over and over in my head, Harry wouldn't want someone like _me._"

"And why ever not, Remus?"

"Isn't it obvious? Once a month I just so happen to turn into a werewolf, I wasn't appointed as Godfather to Harry, James had his reasons-"

"Remus. Listen to me, Harry cares for you, you are the nearest thing he has to a father. I am too old and feeble to help him through the next two years, whereas you can." Remus didn't know what to say, Dumbledore was telling him to be Harry's mentor, his _father figure_. Remus had just told Harry he'd be there for him all the time, but, _maybe_ just maybe, Harry did need him… Remus began to walk back up the slope, leaving Dumbledore to his own thoughts and musings. Tonks waved at him, and he caught her dark eyes. 

* 

As the service was about to start, the crisp Scottish wind grew stronger making everyone's robes billow out behind them. Harry was standing in-between Ron and Hermione, holding a small bunch of white lilies in his small hands. The rest of the Weasleys were huddled together looking awfully downhearted and pale. To their right stood the members of the Order (minus Snape). Remus stood on his own, opposite Harry, who was staring at him determinedly. 

Everyone said something equally wonderful about Sirius, Remus added a memory of his own that raised a few smiles. He thought, Sirius would be rather annoyed if there wasn't a bit of laughter at his own funeral, with an awful pang in his chest, he smiled thinking of what Sirius's reaction to no one laughing at his own. Harry said something about how Sirius never gave up hope, and as he said it, he placed the bouquet of white lilies in the lake, a note attached saying _"I'll see you three on the other side. Love Harry, your son." _

Yet another pang got Remus, he remembered James and Lily, how they never cried, how they always laughed… 

"Sirius," Dumbledore started his speech, Remus looked up at the old man. "Sirius was a light that darkness could not overpower, he was determined, a man of hope. He was innocent, he died for his Godson, and he would have done for his friends. Let us never forget him. Sirius Black." Dumbledore hung his head and dropped an Iris into the lake. He watched it float a good few metres before turning around again. 

The Order, the Weasleys and Hermione left Harry and Remus on their own by the lake following the ceremony. "Harry?" Remus bent down so he could be at the same height as him. Harry looked into Remus's soft blue eyes, Harry's eyes were still dry, and brilliant green as ever. 

"Yes?" Remus swallowed and put his hands on Harry's shoulder. 

"I want you to know, that I will _always _be here for you, no matter what. If you're feeling down about something, or just want someone older to talk to, just send me a letter, or use the good ole Floo Powder if you're at the Burrow or here." Harry nodded defiantly. "I know I'll never be able to replace Sirius, no one will ever be able to, but, I loved Sirius as much as you did, just don't forget I'm here eh?" And with that, Remus turned around and saw Tonks standing on a hill in the distance, one arm folded, and the other wiping her face, her silk robes whirling around her dramatically… 


	3. Burrowing for Solutions

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Never fall in love with a Werewolf 

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Author's Note _- Wow! Reviews! Excuse me whilst I shriek in delight, I've never written a Remus fic before, I've stuck to the kids for the past three years! Thank you all, again for the reviews, I get really giddy when I read them. I like reading them after reading parts of the OotP… Like Snape's Worst Memory, Remus makes me laugh in that one, LOL, but (I have literally just read it) and with a horrible chill and realisation, I realised three of them were dead… James, Lily and Sirius. Dead… It was really strange… It just seems so awfully tragic, and even more so, as we knew Sirius. But the fact they were so happy at Hogwarts, and mystery surrounds these years, so I'm hoping in Book Six, JKR lets us have more Marauding Flashbacks, or she'll be getting more angry letters then I bet she's getting now!! Oh! and my poor darling Remus… Anyhoo, to the story! And review, again please. I love you all! *mwah!* _

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Chapter Three - Burrowing for Solutions 

Tonks thought it best not to go with Remus back to Grimmauld Place, but to go to her own home in south London, a few miles south from Grimmauld Place. 

Tonks lolled her tired legs up the steps to her maisonette, her black silk robes dragging sluggishly behind her. She had two things on her mind; Remus and Sirius. Tonks glanced over at the front garden; a slope of green. It was wild, and overgrown. Various weeds, ferns and wild flowers had taken hold of the garden, each plant strangling another. The soft aroma of lavender reached Tonks's nostrils, she sighed, she couldn't count the number of times she plucked lavender stems for Sirius and Remus so the house didn't stench of rotting house-elves and musty walls…

Tonks looked around to make sure no one was coming out of the blue peeling door of number 335B, and tapped her wand on the handle of her own door, a pillar box red 335A. The door opened gently, and she stepped in, wiping her feet on the mat underneath her. Sighing softly, she took off her black leather jacket and hung it on the hook inside the pale yellow hallway. It was warmer in London, the blocks of flats and skyscrapers provided barriers from the wind. Tonks was grateful to be back in London, away from the bitter breezes of northern Scotland, she was also grateful for the opportunity to think before going back to work on Monday. 

Tonks flipped her shoes off and hauled herself into the living room. Tonks sank into her pink sofa, she threw her head back onto the headrest to gaze at the yellowing ceiling. "Oh, what has Remus done to deserve this?" Tonks rubbed her eyes with exhaustion, and yawned. "What _has _he done?" Tonks suddenly felt so angry, she didn't know who she was angry at, she just knew she was raging with anger. Maybe she was angry with God, or whoever the higher being was. She didn't think it was fair on Remus Lupin, that he had to be a werewolf, and loose this three best friends, whether it was through death, or going over to the Dark Side… "Bastard…" She muttered, standing up abruptly. She was tempted to spit on the floor, but she'd just fitted the new plush, red carpet. Tonks, now agitated and restless started to pace around her living room, thinking about Remus, and how he must be feeling. She was tempted to go over to Grimmauld Place just so she could talk to him, just to see his face…

_No._ Came a firm voice in the back of her mind. _No. You cannot see Remus. He needs time on his own, he'll need to grieve, you cant be there for him twenty-four seven! _Tonks didn't know whether to listen to her conscience or not. She desperately wanted to see him, but she didn't quite know whether she wanted to see his face for own pleasure, or if she wanted to talk to Remus for his own sake. 

But his face… It carried thirty-six years of suffering, grief, solitude and torture, and he still managed to smile, smile that whimsical smile… When Remus smiled, his eyes would sparkle and dance, and you couldn't help it, you'd have to smile back, almost grinning… Tonks opened her eyes and her stomach gave a funny lurch as she thought about his _smile_. She shook her head, attempting to get the thoughts about Remus out of her head. _You cant, he's got to much on his mind. "Oh Remus, want to go for a drink tonight down the Leaky Cauldron? Why? Well I fancy the socks off you."_ It was just wrong, and absurd, stupid and just absurd. It was like a teenage crush on your Defence Against The Dark Arts Teacher. Remus was about thirteen years older then she was! He was much wiser, and wouldn't be interested in an eccentric twenty-three year old. Would he? 

Sirius then bubbled to the surface of her mind. It wouldn't be fair on the memory of Sirius to move in on his best friend once they've all said their final goodbyes. It was just wrong. Nonetheless, Tonks just couldn't stop thinking about Remus now that she started. He was like a bookcase, waiting to be read, a poem waiting to be deciphered, a bear waiting to be hugged… 

Tonks suddenly paused. She bent down and picked up a pink transparent dish, which was full of Floo Powder and sparkling blue Chinese marbles for decoration. She dipped her hand into the dish and seized a fistful of the powder. Walking over to the Victorian fireplace (which had been painted scarlet to suit Tonks's personality) and threw it in "THE BURROW!" She yelled, standing amongst the flames. 

* 

"Tonks!" Molly shrieked, dropping a mug of coffee on the floor. "W-what are you doing here?" Molly muttered a spell and the mug repaired itself. Tonks brushed some soot off her black robes and sat down at the Weasley Table. 

"Sorry Molly." Tonks mumbled staring at her now pale hands. "I needed to talk to someone, _anyone_." 

"It's OK Tonks dear. I'll just make sure everyone is outside or something. I'll be right back." And with that Molly bustled out of the kitchen. Tonks knew talking to someone would help, it was only a few weeks ago, she herself made Remus pour his heart out to make himself feel better. She didn't know whether Remus did feel better, but it had to be better then keeping all his emotions locked up inside of him… 

Molly came back in frowning slightly, and brushing reddish brown curls out of her tired eyes. "You wanted to talk dear?" Molly asked, pouring coffee into two mugs, one white and chipped, the other yellow and cracked. 

"Yeah, I did. It's not that urgent if you're busy-"

"Busy? Me, don't be silly Tonks. Arthur had to go back to work, straight away, more dodgy toilets, this time one in Greenwich, and one in Bond Street, terrible… So it's just me, the kids, Harry and Hermione. Harry's been awfully quiet, he's spent the rest of the day reading novels in Ron's room, Ron and Hermione have been chatting in the garden, Ginny's gone for a walk around the village with Fred and George. Market research they say. I just think they want to get away…" Molly said this all very fast, not quite looking Tonks in the eye. "So, Tonks dear, what's wrong? Is it Sirius?" 

"Well, it's actually Remus…" Tonks stopped and took a sip of coffee, Molly knew how to make the best coffee in Britain; two sugars and a tad bit of milk. 

"What about him? Are you worried about his state of mind, because I daresay, we all are." 

"No, no, we've both talked about that, he'll be fine, I just know it, he has a fire inside him that won't stop burning, he wont give up now. He's so strong…" Tonks had some doubt regarding Remus's state of mind, however, she firmly believed that one day, his suffering would cease to end. 

"I suppose he is," Molly sipped some coffee out of her yellow cup. "So, what's wrong then?"

"Well - I - I think… I think I have feelings for him…" Tonks hid behind her mug of coffee to try and hide her blushing, but Molly simply smiled.

"And that's a problem is it? I mean, I don't think he has a partner-"

"No, it's not _that_." Tonks then told Molly everything about what she had been thinking twenty minutes previously, Molly listened to every word she had to say, she didn't ask any questions until Tonks finished speaking. "And now, I'm just unsure of what to do…"

"And how long have you been feeling this?" 

"Well," Tonks contemplated on this, she wasn't exactly sure, it had been a few days before Sirius died, she saw the both of them reconciling about their Marauding days, and she noticed his smile… "About a month ago I suppose." 

"This is no school-girl crush Tonks, I seriously doubt that, you're older yourself. Follow your heart Tonks, not your mind, but your heart Tonks. That's what I've told everyone who has ever come to me for advice. Just follow your heart." 


	4. From The Other Side

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Never Fall In Love With A Werewolf

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Chapter Four - From The Other Side

Remus stumbled on a piece of crooked pavement, unperturbed he looked up to see five or six youths laughing and pointing at him viciously. They yelled malicious things at him, Remus caught one or two that sounded like "Lousy tramp!" and "Perverted weirdo!" He got enough insults from the Wizarding World, without having to worry about Muggle teenagers throwing insults at him. Remus took a deep breath and carried on walking by, his head held high ignoring the insults as they grew more callous and relentless with each step he undertook. 

Remus passed a seedy old pub called 'The Three Lions', full of sweaty, stubbly Muggles sitting outside with revitalizing pints of beer, guzzling them down in seconds. The punters all eyed him suspiciously; maybe they'd seem him trip over the wonky pavement, and heard the verbal abuse from the yobs and believed it to be true, or perhaps they worried that he'd pinch their precious pints of perky beer from them. Evidently, the shabby attempt at Muggle attire obviously didn't go down well with the real thing. A blonde woman in a black sleeveless top and white jeans shook her head and muttered something to her rather butch boyfriend, who eyed Remus up threateningly. Once again, Remus ignored this, and strode on by, and turned the corner into Grimmauld Place. 

The Muggles now safely behind him, Remus was able to walk into number twelve Grimmauld Place with out any strange stares or malevolent mutterings. Remus felt a sigh of relief hit him as he strolled into the kitchen, now able to sink into his favourite chair by the fire, and crack open his bottle of cheap wine. "To life," Remus muttered pouring red wine into a grimy mug. "and what it doesn't become." He raised the mug to the mantelpiece which held Sirius's mementos of the Marauding Years. He scanned the shelf, tears brimming in his forlorn amber tinted, blue eyes; he saw a picture of James, Lily and Sirius at the wedding on the island of Jersey. Sirius was laughing, probably at disbelief that James _finally _got the girl. James was wearing colourful red and gold robes and a red rose was pinned to his chest. He was staring at Lily and waving absentmindedly at the photographer. Lily smiling timidly at James, her cheeks blushing slightly, her white dress sparkled in the sunlight, and she looked beautiful; her hair had been curled and was falling in innocent ringlets on to her shoulders. With a startling jolt in the regions of his stomach, Remus stopped gazing reminiscently at the photo, and realised that everyone in the picture was, _dead_. 

A few tears fell onto his trousers and he thought about this. He felt ill, he wanted to be violently sick. The mere thought terrified him horribly. Everyone that had helped him during his school years had now died, or deserved death or worse… 

*

Remus opened his eyes. Everything was a slight grey blur, his eyes watered as they took in the surroundings. Feeling ill and slightly dizzy, he sat up rubbing the back of his head, and rubbing his stubbly face; deciding that he should really shave, for he dreaded to think what Tonks would say if she saw him lying on the kitchen floor, somewhat hungover and in a desperate need of a shave, stinking of stale drink and body odour. His stomach lurched incongruously as he thought of Tonks… 

Remus stumbled upstairs, dragging his feet along the staircase heading for the bathroom. He pushed open the door and saw himself in the dusty mirror opposite, he frowned at himself for falling into such a stupor. He pulled off his socks, jumper, trousers, and turned on the shower, letting the room steam up before stepping in. He noticed, pearly pink bottles of feminine toiletries on the shower shelf. He thought to himself that they must be Tonks's as they changed to black every five minutes, as she charmed most of her belongings at Grimmauld Place, so they'd become metamorphmagi like herself. Remus felt his mouth twitch into a smile thinking about her little whim… 

It took Remus no time at all to dry and dress himself and haul himself downstairs. He felt stronger, sober and vigilant, ready to face the world and get rid of his alcohol, it was not a good thing _at all_. He made a mental note to tell Harry, Ron and Hermione never to drink. "Out with the old, in with the new." Remus said grimly, dropping two bottles of wine into the bin with a crash. He dusted his hands and poured himself some chilled pumpkin juice, courtesy of Molly.

Remus stopped drinking his morning pumpkin juice with an abrupt jolt, he dropped his goblet, the amber liquid seeping into ridges in the table, and dripping off onto the stone floor. He clasped his shaking hands to his quivering mouth and let out a heartfelt howl. He felt his stomach grind with the feeling of guilt - he had forgotten Sirius. He was thinking about telling teenagers not to drink. He was thinking about Tonks… _Tonks_ for goodness sake… 

Remus moved his left hand up his prematurely lined face and felt warm tears filling his eyes. His other hand, meanwhile moved down towards his stomach, where the wrenching pain of guilt was eating away at his insides. It was gnashing against his heart, ripping apart everything it could get its hands on. All Remus could now feel was the guilt over powering him. All he could think about was that he had forgotten Sirius. Weeping, he brought the hand clenching his stomach to the other side of his face. Both hands now started to grip his forehead as he sobbed uncontrollably. "W-why take him? WHY TAKE HIM?" Remus cried, scrunching his eyes up in anguish. "He did nothing _wrong. _He was _innocent… Innocent_." He slid of the chair in absolute heartache, he bashed his head on the granite floor, however, he didn't feel the piercing pain or the slight trickle of blood near his temple. 

Remus didn't know how long he lay on the floor sobbing his heart out, but when he did eventually sit up, he felt the throbbing pain above his temple. Tentatively, he rubbed the area, and wiped off the dried burgundy blood with this thumb. Tonks would defiantly not approve of a stupor of this level. Shaking his head slightly, and narrowing his eyes he saw the photos on the mantelpiece. Remus picked up a dusty picture he wasn't familiar with. It was of a young man in his late teens. He had black wavy hair that fell just beyond his ears and tickled his sparkling, laughing eyes. The man was grinning broadly up at Remus, giving him the thumbs up. Remus picked up the picture for a closer look, for he didn't remember _this _picture. The frame was untreated pine and looked fairy new, apart from the dust. Blowing the dust off the frame, he turned it over, and there, stuck to the back, on a piece of new parchment was a message. For him. 

Moony old friend, 

This is for you. You took this photo, remember? I kept it with me when I was in Azkaban, I knew I still had one true friend left, who would hopefully see me as a grinning loon once again. And I never forgot that. I framed it myself the other day, so I'm hoping you'll just notice this when you come down from breakfast! I'm giving this to you incase something ever happens to me, so you know, I will always be there, beaming like an Erkling! 

- Padfoot.

Remus nearly dropped the photo in shock. It was almost as if Sirius was speaking beyond the veil… Remus swallowed a lump in his throat, he wasn't sure if he was able to cry anymore, and he didn't really want to either, for his eyes were red, puffy and stung slightly. Questions now started to accumulate in his head. Why didn't he notice the picture before? Was the picture even here before? Did Sirius think he was going to die that night? Why didn't he remember taking this photo? Why was Tonks drifting into his head _now_? Now of all times… 

__

"This was not the time or place to be thinking about women." Remus muttered. He brushed the rest of the dust off with the sleeve of his jumper. He placed the picture on the table and started at for a few seconds rather fondly. "Where are you know eh? Lapping it up with James and Lily I hope." Remus smiled, he didn't believe in God, or any being, but he liked to think his old friends were somewhere safe now, away from all the fear, evil and injustice of earth. Sirius would be happy, he missed James awfully, and he'd be able to tell Lily and James about Harry... "Yes, that'd be nice." Remus said, sitting down at the table, his eyes never leaving the picture. 

**__**

Author's Note I'm crying… Again… I shouldn't really cry at something I've written, it sounds almost arrogant doesn't it? Well, I've been crying a lot lately, had to keep reading bits of the books to get 'in character' and reading PoA is rather difficult for any Sirius or Remus lover. It's emotional stuff! Does JKR have any idea of what she's done? She said Harry would have to explore what death really means, but that didn't have to involve Sirius, or Remus for that matter… She should have killed Hagrid instead, maybe he could have got tramped by that bloody Grawp… Well, yes. I'm shutting up again. Please review, this is totally review driven, and you always feel good when someone says "Hey, I liked this." So cheers! And cheers PoPo! You've been faithful! So yes, review! You've come this far, so just go a but further, and click that thing on the bottom left hand corner, and say something nice, preferably J ** . **


	5. Pursue Passion?

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Never fall in love with a Werewolf 

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Chapter Five- Pursue Passion? 

Tonks stayed at the Weasleys for a rather silent dinner, far from the exuberant dinners of last year at Grimmauld Place. The tension around the table was incredible. Harry braved everyone and was sitting in-between Ron and Hermione. Ginny was sitting beside Hermione picking at her roast chicken, her head resting on her left hand. Molly and Arthur were at the opposite ends of the table eating their food quietly. Fred and George sat, rather squashed beside Tonks. They'd never looked so miserable… The only sound to be heard was the occasional scratch of a knife and fork on the ceramic plates, and the clunk of glasses, mugs and goblets on the wooden table. It was painfully quiet, not at all like normal dinners, where Tonks would be changing her nose to the delight of Hermione and Ginny, where Fred and George would be entertaining Harry and Ron, with Arthur looking on proudly, Molly almost disapprovingly… Sirius and Remus would be here, reminiscing about old school days… But without Sirius… Everything was just wrong…Nothing would ever be right again… 

Hermione broke the awkward atmosphere. "He was amazing." Everyone dropped their knifes and forks, took their glasses from their mouths, and looked up at Hermione, who was staring into space. "He died for Harry, he was a hero, and, at least now, we know he is with James…" Harry rose from his chair and left the table, he silenced Hermione with a deadly stare, she opened her mouth as if to speak, but thought better of it. Everyone watched Harry leave the kitchen, everyone heard him thump upstairs and slam Ron's bedroom door. Hermione looked apologetically around the table, she obviously didn't mean to stir Harry, she was going to raise her glass to Sirius… "I didn't mean to Ron." She whispered to Ron, biting her lip, tears filling her eyes. "I just wanted…" But it became to much for Hermione, her own grief, and now the dreaded feeling that she's hurt Harry's feelings beleaguered her, so she stood up from the table just as Harry did. Ron held up his hand to try and stop her, but she ignored it and stormed off into the garden. Ron made to follow suit, but Arthur shook his head warningly at him. 

Another apprehensive silence followed. Everyone continued to scrape their cutlery on the plates, and chew the roast dinner quietly. Neither Hermione or Harry returned to dinner, however, Ron took Hermione's plate and went out into the garden with it. Tonks could only presume he was taking her dinner to her. He did not return to take Harry's up. 

Half an hour later, after tea and biscuits, Tonks made to leave, but Molly stopped her as she turned towards the fireplace. "Stay the night, the kids like you, and I don't like to think of you in your flat alone tonight. It's been a tough night for all of us." Molly smiled maternally at Tonks. 

"Remus is alone!" Tonks said protectively, she wasn't susceptible, she could manage to stay in her maisonette alone, she had done for the last three years. Who was looking after Remus Lupin? No one. 

"Yes, but he needs to be alone, he won't want people intruding in on his grief."

"How do you know that?" Tonks folded her arms. "He might want someone to be with him tonight."

"If you're talking about yourself, then there's another reason as to why I think you should stay here. I don't want - you cant, go to see Remus, not tonight."

"You were the one who said _to follow my heart_." Tonks whispered, she didn't want the whole house to know about her feelings for Remus. 

"I know I did, but, not tonight, promise me Tonks." Tonks couldn't promise Molly _anything_. She wanted to help Remus like she did before on the day after Sirius's death, but, her she had a longing ache to tell Remus her feelings now. It was very difficult not exploding with pleasure and warmth at the very thought of Remus, and she was sure this hunger for Remus would only settle down once she placed her lips on his… 

"I can't promise you anything Molly." Tonks sighed, Molly put her hands on her hips and pursed her lips. 

"Then you're staying here tonight! You can stay in Percy's old room…" Tonks raised an eyebrow. 

"Is it clean? With fresh bed sheets and things?"

"Of course it is! Do you think I left things how they were when he buggered off to the Ministry?" Molly spat, Tonks stepped back, Molly never forgave Percy for betraying the family's values, and wasn't allowing him to come back to The Burrow as punishment. "I'm sure Hermione has a spare nightdress or some pyjamas, she's grown a lot recently, burgeoning into a woman. I'll go and ask her." Molly muttered. She hurried out of the kitchen to find Hermione, leaving Tonks on her own for the first time since she had arrived at The Burrow. 

Tonks started to pace around the room nervously, she desperately wanted to talk to Remus, but Molly was holding her back… Small pulses of anger drove through her veins and arteries, but all impulses vanished when Molly returned with a pale green nightdress wrapped in her arms. 

"Got it! Hermione was glad to lend a hand, she's much better now, Ron cheered her up. Ron and Hermione said, they dare not go near Harry for a while… Poor boy…" Molly sniffed, she handed the nightdress to Tonks and gestured to her to follow her up the stairs. The stairs creaked loudly, as they ambled upstairs, no sound came from Ron's room, where Harry was still grieving - _Like Remus…_ "Right here we are!" Molly piped up, beaming at Tonks. "Goodnight!" 

"Thanks Molly," Tonks smiled, fiddling with the hem of Hermione's night dress. "I'll see you in the morning." 

"Yes, and breakfast is at ten, later then usual, but I suspect everyone will want some sleep." 

"Yeah, they will…" Tonks yawned, and it suddenly dawned on her that she was really tired, and her eyes were starting to sag with sleepiness. 

"G'night." Molly yawned, and with that, she walked off to her own room. 

Tonks sat down on Percy's old bed. The room didn't smell musty, it didn't have a linger of old yellowing spell books, it was _clean_. The curtains and window were open; it overlooked the Weasley's Orchid, and she was sure, she could see a tall redhead and a brown haired girl lying down amongst the apple trees… 

Tonks slipped of her black robes, and slid into Hermione's nightdress, which fitted almost perfectly… She yawned again and slipped between the dark blue sheets. Tonks was asleep in seconds.

*

Tonks's cubicle at the Ministry was a cluttered mess. She had pictures of old school friends stuck to the wall in front of her, a poster of The Weird Sisters, wailing in their gothic greatness, a scruffy picture of the original Order of Phoenix, and beside that, a gilded picture of the new Order of Phoenix. Remus and Sirius's faces shone out in particular… 

She sat down at her desk, running her hand along the deep groove around the perimeter of the desk. She stared at the papers that littered her inbox, then her eyes fell on the empty outbox. Tonks couldn't concentrate on the report she had to write about; something about Death Eaters… It was dull, tedious, tiresome work, luckily the theoretical side of being an Auror was only a small part of the job. Tonks felt like bashing her head against the desk to try and get Remus out of her head. She was going to tell him - how, she didn't know, but she'd have to move her lips and let out words. 

She eventually, just put her head down on the desk, as if to sleep, but she was just mentally exhausted, from _just _thinking about Remus. "Molly told me." Came a voice from behind her. She sat bolt upright and whizzed around to see Arthur leaning on the doorframe of her little cubicle. 

"Oh! Arthur, good morn-"

"Afternoon. It's two o'clock." Arthur smiled at Tonks. Tonks rumpled her black hair and yawned. 

"Bloody hell." Tonks muttered, Weasley whims were rubbing off on her. "I think I just dozed off."

"Why are you here?" 

"What? Work to do Arthur!" He narrowed his eyes and moved across the cubicle to sit opposite her. 

"Molly _told _me." Tonks's eyes widened, she realised what Arthur was now on about.

"Oh, she did, did she?"

"Yes. Tonks you shouldn't be here" Arthur whispered, taking his glasses off and rubbing his tired eyes.

"Because I've fallen for Remus Lupin, I shouldn't be at work?" Tonks spat, she didn't mean to, but she had PMT, and was still rather sleepy. 

"No… Well, yes. Remus isn't at work, I told him not to come in for a week."

"But _I_ wasn't Sirius's best friend. I was his cousin, now I've fallen for Remus. Well, it's not _now, _but, it's complicated since Sirius died." 

"And you can't concentrate because of it, Tonks. Go home, please. I can manage here, I've sorted the toilets out, and I'd quite like to get my hands into a report." He said, reading the header on a piece of parchment. 

"Are you sure?" Tonks asked, looking up at Arthur, with unsure eyes. "If you can manage-"

"I can manage." Arthur smiled, and with that, Tonks picked up her tattered orange briefcase and was gone in the swish of an pea green cloak. 

**__**

Author's Note - Wow! Oh my god, these reviews! I cannot tell you how much I appreciate these reviews! I love you all! You have no idea how much I love you all!! Hugs and biscuits! 

Shayna, you're entitled to give your opinion and advice, and I'm ok with that, but in defence, I think if Remus was in this situation where he was grieving for his best friend, and also had feelings for a friend/colleague surfacing, he'd be mixed up and feeling sudden jolts of emotion… 

Sorry for the delay too, but it's been rather hot in London, causing lethargy all round! And I went through a phase of hyperness, and if you've read my two recent fics, both Marauder ones, you will know what I mean! 

**Review again please!! I Love you all!! **

__


	6. His First Smile

****

Never fall in love with a Werewolf 

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Chapter Six- His First Smile. 

A slight breeze ruffled the leaves on Tonks's trees; a majestic old Chestnut tree, and a young Beech. She was sitting under the Chestnut tree in her old deck chair, lapping up the late July sunshine. She was sipping a cocktail of Firewhisky and pumpkin juice, the pink umbrella tickling her nose. Lying back, she thought of Remus, and how he must be feeling. 

Her garden was a garden of pleasure and summer. The delicate buttercups and daisies tickled Tonks's long toes, and the dappled sunshine created a romantic aurora, and that romantic aurora gave Tonks an extra yearning to see Remus. _No, you're not going._ Her conscience said finally as if there was no more discussion on the matter. _You'll make things worse for Remus._ Or would it? This could be exactly what he needs, love. All anyone needs is love. Love is like oxygen, love is a many splendid thing, love lifts you up where you belong! _Not where Remus is concerned. Not now. Not yet. Wait. _No… I can't…

Tonks wasn't someone known to sit in a house all day when someone she loved was probably deep in mourning for her cousin. Restlessness was a family trait, (and fault). She couldn't stay sitting in her overgrown garden in south London, with Remus in north London, all alone and without hope… He needed someone to be with him. 

Mrs Marlow of the gardenless flat upstairs was watching Tonks beadily from her grimy kitchen window, and threw her a dirty look before Tonks left the garden. Tonks stuck her tongue out at Mrs Marlow, her inner child escaping. Laughing, and filled with a sudden energy, she threw open her pale pink French doors, and sat herself down on a white dining chair. The garden was not helping with all its' romanticisms, and pure loveliness. She had hoped her dining room, come kooky kitchen would calm her, but it didn't, it only made her worse. Tonks looked around the room, and saw beside a dusty black candelabra, a deep blue vase of lavenders… Like the lavenders she gave Sirius and Remus…Their sweet aroma had now wafted around Tonks's nostrils… Remembered the thankful looks upon Sirius and Remus's faces when she gave them a whole bouquet of lavender…

_"Oh Tonks, these smell great." Sirius laughed, smelling them. "The smell of the old bat will be out in no time." _

"And thank goodness, I'm almost getting a sense of dread coming here!" Remus chuckled, his eyes crinkling. "Lets smell them Sirius." Sirius handed the lavender to Remus. Remus inhaled the soft scent, then looked up at Tonks, their eyes meeting. "Beautiful." Remus said, still not taking his eyes of Tonks's own eyes. 

At the time Tonks was sure he was talking about the lavender, but now that she'd gone over that particular memory she didn't know whether he was talking about _her _or not. Two days after that Sirius was killed. Funny how things change so quickly - so harshly… Without anytime to say goodbye. 

_Remus must be wondering how the world is just carrying on, he must be feeling so lost without Sirius…Silent without him… _

Tonks knew Remus had to spend time alone, but for how long? He spent twelve years alone last time… She was not going to let _that_ happen again. 

Shuddering slightly at the thought of Remus alone, she stood up and pushed in the dining chair. She gazed around the room looking for some sign to tell her whether to visit Remus or not. All she saw was the beads in the hall door jingling a little, almost telling her to go out there, into the sitting room and throw in some Floo Powder… There was no stopping her. 

Panting, she knelt down beside the fireplace. Her heart was beating, and she wad wondering if this was the right thing to do after all… However, she was determined, she was just going to let Remus know she was here for him. Tonks threw in the Floo Powder, and shouted "Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place!" The familiar, emerald green flames licked her head, and her head went spinning into a mad frenzy. 

Tonks saw Remus straight away. He didn't notice Tonks at all, he was engrossed in a book, looking contemplative and solemn. Tonks thought she'd savour the moment and stare at him, a playful smile lingering on her pink lips. Her knees were killing her so she decided to say something. 

"Remus?" Tonks coughed, he sat up straight away and looked around the kitchen to see who called him. He eventually noticed Tonks's head in the fireplace. Smiling, Remus stood up and knelt down in front of the fireplace. 

"Hello Tonks."

"Hi Remus! I wasn't disturbing you or anything was I?" Tonks's mouth felt dry, she now wished she hadn't come by Floo Powder. Now she was doing the latter, it was so much harder. 

"Oh, not really - just flicking through an old school photo album." Remus muttered, still apparently lost in thought. "My hair was quite long in those days…" Tonks didn't quite know what to say, Remus was still grieving, he was bottling his feelings up, something Tonks advised him against.

"You alright Remus? You look a bit peaky." 

"Oh, I'm alright." Remus said finally, as if that was the end of the discussion. 

"Well, I just popped into say 'Hi.' I might be round later. Shall I cook us dinner?" There! She said it, she wasn't the best cook in the world, probably one of the worst… But she was sure she could conjure up a simple meal for two,

"Yeah, I'd like that…" Remus smiled. "It'd be nice. Yes…" Tonks nodded satisfactory. 

"Good, I'll be there at about… Seven?" Tonks grinned up at him. Remus nodded, now standing up and smiling down at Remus, his finger trailing his lips… _Those lips…_

"That'd be wonderful." Remus clapped his hands together still smiling at her. 

"I'll be off then. My knees don't think much of this Floo Network business!" Tonks pulled her head out of the fireplace. She stood up a tad bit dizzy, but she was grinning like she never grinned before. She was to have dinner with Remus Lupin. 

**__**

Author's Note - Wow! Oh my god! I've got tears reading your reviews! Really, I do! Oh my god! Thank you all so much! Look, I braved the London sunshine, and updated quickly for you! Review again please! You're really making my summer! Wow! Thanks! 


	7. Vertiserum

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Never fall in love with a Werewolf 

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Chapter Seven- Vertiserum. 

Remus stepped out of the shower, smelling like an aromatic mix of lavender and other herbs. Remus found looked in the mirror, his wet hair was sagging into his eyes, and he was wearing nothing - nothing but a soppy smile. He had long since gotten use to his scars on his body, he had come quite attached to them, even though they'd caused him so much pain through his life, he didn't mind.. They were a part of him, and made Remus who he was. As a teenager, he was ashamed of his body. The marks from where he scratched himself were from a past life, a life before his friends, a life where he thought the whole world was against him. 

Even with them all gone, the memories were still fresh in his mind. The Marauding Years may have been twenty years ago, but he'd never forget him. It'd take a pretty good Memory Charm to erase those memories. He now had a future in front of him. Sure the present wasn't the cheeriest, but he knew being pessimistic wasn't the way to go, being optimistic was. And Tonks was in that future… Tonks was coming to dinner tonight… 

Yes, Remus did fee guilty about thinking about Tonks, but deep in his heart, he could see Sirius's face, telling him not to be silly, and go out with the lass, despite her age. But the future… 

The future… Where did he see himself in ten years? Married with several kids? He adored children, one of the reasons why he went back to teach at Hogwarts. He desperately wanted kids of his own… But he didn't know whether lycanthropy could be transmitted through childbirth. Remus was always to afraid to read about how it was transmitted. He knew it couldn't be transmitted through sex. And thank god… 

Being a Marauder at Hogwarts had its benefits! He wasn't as girl-mad as Sirius in those days… Sirius lived life to the full during Hogwarts, nothing would stand in his way… James lived for Lily, even if she didn't exactly like him for seven years, but he loved her… But he did have several girlfriends - in order to make Lily jealous. 

He dearly wanted a family of his own… But… Say he bit his children by accident…? Say he bit his wife…? Dreaded things like this surfaced Remus's mind daily before Sirius's death. He'd often talk it over with Sirius. Sirius would tell him not to worry until the time came, and not to worry because the Wolfsbane potion worked wonders. These worries often stopped Remus from embarking in a serious relationship. At the age of thirty-seven, he didn't want silly little flings - he wanted the real thing. 

Remus dried himself off, and slipped into a set of fraying robes, and made his way downstairs to start worrying about the meal that night. 

"Six O'clock." Remus muttered staring avidly at the clock on the wall in the kitchen. "One hour…" He was now slightly sweaty. The soaring London temperatures didn't help in the dingy kitchen. Remus now resorted to using Cooling Charms to cool himself down. The pre-date nerves were making him jittery and clammy. The slightest sound would make him jump a few feet into the air. 

Half past six came and went, and soon the big hand touched the seven. And there was a knock on the door. "Oh… She's here…" Remus whispered to himself. He made to walk out the kitchen, but some kind of force was preventing him from doing so. "Get yourself together man!" Remus shook his head violently, and made his way to the front door. Calmly, he opened the door with several clinks and clunks. Tonks stood in the door way, flamingo pink curls falling around her heart shaped face. Tonks wore a striking orange gingham pinafore dress, teamed with purple army books. In her hand she had a small bag presumably full of ingredients. Tonks beamed at him, and gave him a chocolate bar. She strode down into the kitchen without even saying hello, leaving Remus to stare at the chocolate bar in shock. He shut the door and went downstairs to see Tonks. 

"Wotcher Remus!" Tonks grinned. She'd already started to cook, and from what Remus could tell, she to was very nervous.

"Hello Tonks. A-are you alright there?" He asked, frowning slightly.

"Of course I am!" Tonks started to fill a saucepan with boiling hot water from her wand. "Eat up!" She added, pointing to the chocolate bar. "Molly said you liked Twix bars." Remus nodded, and unwrapped the golden wrapper, taking a bite into one of the biscuity bars, which had a layer of smooth caramel and was topped with soft creamy chocolate. 

"Why am I having this _now_?" He asked, swallowing the chocolate. 

"I know you like them! Good to start a meal on a good note eh?"

"Yes I suppose you're right!" Remus chuckled, now starting on the second bar in the packet. "I never knew Molly knew I liked these - they're a Muggle bar!" 

"Yeah. Ever wonder where that crate of them came from last September? Molly asked Sirius what chocolate bar you liked as thank you for getting rid of the Boggart. She was to embarrassed to say they were from her." 

"How nice of her!" Remus smiled, beaming at the Twix. Tonks was now stirring the pot of pasta with her wand. Remus sat down at the table thoughtfully.

"You do like pasta right?" Tonks asked over her shoulder, draining the pasta. 

"Yes, I do actually. Love the stuff. My mum used to make it for me when I was a boy." 

"Good… Good…" Tonks muttered breathlessly, adding a warm creamy sauce around the pasta. "Right - I think I'm done!" Tonks whirled around smiling mischievously at Remus holding a plate in each of her hands. She literally danced over to the table and placed the steaming pasta in front of him. Remus delved into the pasta straight away. It was delicious… Almost as good as his mother's. 

"It's wonderful Tonks." Remus said in-between a bite. Tonks beamed at him thankfully. 

"I was so scared it'd turn out awful or something, I don't really cook much, unless you count those ready meals, y'know Oliver Harriet's Fast Food range!""Oh, I've had a few of them, god they're ghastly!" 

"Yeah, but I guess they'll do!" Tonks grinned at Remus again. He looked into her eyes… Her eyes were almost dancing. They were a dark inky blue, and glittered every time she laughed and smiled, they made Remus go all squishy inside. "Remus? Are you OK?"

"Oh, I couldn't be better." Remus said absently, still staring ardently into Tonks's eyes. 

"Is there something on my nose?" She asked, looking down it. 

"No, of course not." A bit of colour rushed into Remus's pallid cheeks. Tonks smiled again. 

"Erm, Remus. There's something I need to tell you." Tonks said quite breathlessly. She took her wine glass, and gulped the red wine down in one go. 

"Go ahead. I'm all ears." Remus wondered what she was going to tell him, half of him hoped she was going to proclaim her love for him, but half of him wished she wouldn't… Even though Remus thought he loved Tonks, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to embark on a relationship. 

"Well… For a few months now…" Tonks started, she refilled her glass of wine, and drank the entire glass once again. "I've had feelings for someone." Remus's heart dropped. _Someone_. Bet it was Kingsley. 

"Someone?" Remus asked, his voice dry and hoarse. 

"Yeah…" Tonks muttered. Her eyes fell to the floor, and she turned slightly in her chair. "You know him really well." _Arthur? Kingsley? Get it over and done with. Anyone would fall for nice blokes. Yes it'd be Arthur, as he's married… She'll want my advice… She ought never to approach him… Yes that's what I'll tell her._

"Do I? Who is it?" 

"You." Remus opened his mouth in shock. Tonks slouched on her chair and guzzled down some more wine. 

"_Me_?" He asked breathlessly pointing to himself. Tonks nodded glumly. Remus didn't know what to do. He was split in two - half wanting her, half not wanting a relationship. 

"I've fallen in love with you. There said it." A few tears dropped from Tonks's eyes and onto the stone floor. "You could say something y'know."

"I - I don't know what to say…" 

"Well, you either like me back, or you don't." 

"Well, I do." Tonks looked at Remus, her eyes sparkling with tears. Remus felt a dead feeling in his stomach - he couldn't be with her… He just couldn't.

"Y-you do? You feel the same way?" 

"Yes, yes I do. B-"

"Oh Remus!" Tonks cried she jumped up from her chair and walked over to Remus slowly. 

"B-but Tonks. Listen!" Tonks stopped abruptly and frowned at Remus. 

"_But_?"

"Never fall in love with a werewolf." 

"What? Why not?" Tonks brought her hand up to her mouth.

"It's difficult."

"I don't care about you being a werewolf!" 

"It's not _that_." 

"It's my age isn't it? _I'm to young to be Remus Lupin's partner_!" 

"No, no, Tonks, you don't understand!" 

"No! I think it's _you_ who doesn't understand!" Tonks wailed, more tears seeping form her eyes. Remus stood up, he was in shock, he didn't expect this. If he could just explain why… "Goodbye Remus!" Tonks stormed out of the kitchen in a mad frenzy. Remus followed her up the stairs, but she was to quick for him. By the time he reached the hall, she had gone… 

**__**

Author's Note - I'm so sorry for the lack of update, but I had GCSEs (OWLS) to worry about, and I didn't do very well… I got Bs in English and Art, but Ds in everything else which is rubbish… Can't even do the A-Levels (NEWTS) I want now. So don't expect good stories in the future as I won't be able to do A-Level English Literature and Language… 

Well review! Please! I'm begging you! You've all been so lovely and wonderful so far, so don't stop! 


	8. On The Streets Of Islington

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Never fall in love with a Werewolf 

**__**

Note - This scene contains… Well, without ruining the story… It's rated R for a reason. Not a good reason before you get your hopes up! Hope you like it! 

__

Chapter Eight - On the streets of Islington. 

Tonks didn't know what to do now. She told Remus she loved him. He felt the same way, but yet, she was standing in Grimmauld Place, crying her eyes out. He didn't want her… _Why?_ Maybe he wasn't ready for a relationship so soon after Sirius's death… Maybe his lycanthropy made it impossible for him to embark upon a relationship… How was Remus feeling? Was he going through an inner turmoil that she, Tonks would never understand? 

Her heartbroken self, wandered over the grassy verge in the middle of the square where a crooked, vandalised bench stood solitary. She ambled over, and sat down. She didn't care if it was filthy and adorned with malicious swear words. She just wanted to get Remus Lupin out of her head once and for all. Tonks didn't care how she did it, just as long as his mangy presence was gone by the time the sun rose. 

A few Muggle teenagers crossed her path laughing at her dress, hair and boots. 

"What's that you're wearing? Looks like you picked up something from Barbie's wardrobe!" One of the boys laughed. They were about her age or younger. Tonks rolled her eyes at the gang. 

"If that's the best you can do." She laughed half-heartedly. 

"Oh, we can do much worse." Another boy said, in a deeper, more menacing tone. 

"Oh, you can, can you? I'd like to see you try." She snorted laughing at the gang. She wasn't stupid, so she put her hand in her pocket and gripped her wand. 

"OI! Damian!" A lad next to the boy shouted. "We've got one!" The boy laughed again. Damian came thundering over with a strange swagger. He was wearing a white tracksuit, and had three tacky gold chains dangling from his neck. He wore a white baseball cap, and his hair was shaved. 

"Right lads, who is it this week? Another hooker from Kings Cross?" Damian asked his gang. 

"We fink so Damian." A small scrawny boy muttered. "She's a bit cocky if you get me drift." Tonks could do nothing but roll her eyes. 

"Can I go now, see I've got somewhere to go. Y'know places to go, people to see!" Tonks attempted to stand up, but got pushed back down rather roughly by one of the other gang members. Damian was whispering with that looked like one of his cronies. "I AM GOING NOW!" Tonks said slowly, but the boy who pushed her back down brandished a machete. 

"You STAY THERE!" He snarled, displaying a gold tooth and pointing the blade at Tonks threateningly. Tonks was now scared, she'd faced much tougher things in her life, but she'd never been threatened with a knife by a gang of Muggle yobs. She now wished a werewolf Remus would come bounding out and scare them away. 

"Right. What's yer name?" Damian asked Tonks, taking the knife from the boy. 

"Tonks." Tonks groaned, her hand still clutching her wand. 

"What sorta name is that?" Damian growled, slowing moving the machete nearer her face. 

"It's a nick-name alright. What sort of name is Damian?" 

"What's yer real name?" 

"Trust me, it's even worse." Tonks let out a dry laugh. Damian pointed the knife at her throat. "Alright! It's Nymphadora! Disgusting isn't it?" 

"Yeah it is!" Damian paused. "Lie down!" He screamed abruptly. Tonks's stomach did an unpleasant lurch. "NOW!" He pointed the knife against her skin. She was petrified - she didn't know what to do. _Remus… Remus! _If she pulled out her wand, they'd slash her neck open. 

"MOONY!" She yelled, hoping the gang would think she was thinking about them pulling down their trousers, and showing their arses, rather then calling for help. "MOONY! PLEASE!" 

"Moony? Do moonies turn you on?" Damian laughed, he pulled the knife away from her neck slowly.

"MOONY! NOW! PLEASE!" Maybe they would do a Moony, and she'd be able to curse them… "MOONY!" 

"We're not here to turn _you _on _Nymphadora_." The knife was now on her neck again. She could feel the cold blade scratch against her skin. "We're here to get a good shag." Tonks shook her head, she should have grabbed her wand earlier. 

"Moony…" Tonks whispered breathlessly, her voice was aching from all the shouting. She felt weak… ever so weak… She could feel a hand grasp the hem of her dress, and she could feel the silk dress glide up her leg… She closed her eyes… She didn't want this to happen… Who would? Her dress was now past her waist, she would try and kick them, but that'd be at risk to loosing her head. One of the other boys was laughing behind her, holding the knife edge on her neck. 

"STOP!" Someone shouted. Tonks didn't know who… She didn't want to hear anything… 

"ITS HIM!" Damian shouted. "THE SCRUFFY BASTARD!" 

"Fuck! Run!" Someone else shouted. She heard the sound of scraping feet, then the sound of hushed voices and running. Tonks didn't know whether it was safe to open her eyes. 

"Tonks?" The voice whispered this time. She knew at once who it was, and opened her eyes. "Oh my goodness…" 

"Remus?" Tonks gasped fearfully, tears springing to her eyes. "Oh god." She sobbed. Remus took her hand softly and pulled her up. 

"Come on." Remus said gravely. "Let's get you inside." Tonks felt Remus put his arm around her shoulders, and help her up on to her feet. He helped her over back to the house. 

As soon as they entered the house, Tonks broke down. She clutched onto Remus's robes, as she slowly fell to the ground. "T-th-they tried to rape me Remus…" Tonks sobbed looking up at him, tears streaming from her dark eyes. 

"You're safe now." Remus whispered, bending down to her. "No one is going to hurt you."

"Yes they are… They will follow me home… They'll know where I live…" 

"No, no they don't." Remus rubbed her arm compassionately. "They don't know where you live. Let's get downstairs. It's not very comfortable here." Remus stood up and held out his hand for Tonks to take. She took his hand with both hands. She was trembling from head to toe, her face shining with tears. 

He led her into the kitchen, and sat her down in a chair. The remnants of their dinner was still strewn on the table. Remus knelt down beside Tonks, she was still clutching his hand. "Do you want to talk about it?" Remus whispered, pulling out a handkerchief and patting Tonks's wet cheeks. 

"I think so…Never keep your feelings bottled up…" Tonks whispered, leaking a few more tears. "I've never been so scared Remus… I just didn't know what to do… They were brandishing a knife at me, a huge one, pointing it at my neck. I couldn't get my wand - they'd forced me to lie down, and I couldn't get it. So I called for you, they thought I was asking them to - to do a moony. But they started to pull my dress up, and I just wanted you here to get them away… But they wouldn't stop… I tried to block out what was happening, but I couldn't." Tonks sobbed, Remus pulled her into a hug, and he patted her on the back. "But then you came, you _came _Remus, you saved me from them." 

"It's ok now…" Remus whispered. "They're gone. They won't be back." Remus felt tears springing to his own eyes. He just wanted to make Tonks feel better… Back in the Dark Years, witches and female Muggles all over Britain were being raped by Death Eaters… It was one of the worst things that could happen. James made sure Lily was protected at all times, he didn't want anything happening to his sweetheart. 

"Can I stay here tonight? I don't want to go home - I'll be alone there…" Tonks said, her voice muffled because she was still nuzzled in Remus's shoulder 

"Of course you can. I'll tell Arthur that you can't make it into work tomorrow." Tonks pulled away from Remus and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. 

"No, I want to go in." Remus shook his head. 

"No, you're not. You're staying here until you're ready. This was an awful experience for _anyone _to go through." Tonks opened her mouth in protest, but then gave up under Remus's protective glare. 

"Alright…" Tonks sniffed, taking the handkerchief from Remus and blowing her nose. 

"Do you want anything to eat?" Remus asked, standing up with Tonks. "Anything to drink? I can bring it up to you."

"I, oh, I'd like hot chocolate, and maybe a few chocolate biscuits. But I think I'll have a bath…" She let out a dry sob, Remus was still staring at her, his eyes full of concern. "I want to get the filth off _me."_ Tonks turned around and left the room, rubbing her arms tentatively. 

Remus stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching her retreat to the bath. He was shaking himself… Say he didn't hear Tonks calling him? She'd be much worse off… He broke off, and tried not to think about that. He wanted to protect Tonks, like James had once protected Lily… Like Sirius had done with Harry… 

****

Author's Note - _To the person who said they didn't get the chapter name from last time, Vertiserum is the truth potion, and Tonks told Remus the truth. And this chapter name is well, Grimmauld Place is in Islington in north London, which is ten minutes away from Kings Cross (and that's how long it took everyone to walk to Kings Cross from Grimmauld Place) and there is a Grimmauldi Square in Islington too! I have done my research! Also discovered I technically live on the same road as some of those regurgitating toilets! Woot! _


	9. Ocean Eyes

**__**

Never Fall In Love With A Werewolf

Chapter Nine - Ocean Eyes

The Weasleys had always been a source of solace and counsel for the Order of The Phoenix. Tonks herself sought out advice days ago, and now it was Remus's turn. 

Tonks was upstairs, sinking into a stifling hot bath, using means of large bubbles and musty scents from the bubble bath solution to pacify her. Remus presumed she'd be up there for a few hours so he used the opportunity to seek advice from Arthur or Molly. Not wanting to leave Tonks in the house alone, he decided to leave his body in London, and transport his head to Ottery St. Catchpole. 

He reached up to the mantelpiece above the fireplace to where the terracotta pot of Floo Powder stood. He nudged the picture of Sirius as he did this. He felt a pang of colossal desolation as he looked into Sirius's laughing eyes. He wanted nothing more then to just _talk _with him again. It was never going to be as simple as throwing in a fistful of coruscate powder into a dank fireplace and shouting the desired destination. He'd have to die before he saw Sirius again. Before he saw James and Lily.

He diverted his grief to Tonks once again, as he had done on so many occasions after Sirius's death. She was now immersing herself in water, washing the filth of those Muggle youths of her porcelain skin. Cleansing herself of they memories so fresh and malicious in her mind. But he had to talk to someone, he was going crazy. _Never keep your feelings bottled up._

"The Burrow." He finally muttered, scrunching his eyes up in the effort to stop thinking all together. Remus bent down, and thrust his head into the fireplace. 

He saw the table legs of the pine kitchen table, and a pair of legs sitting crossed legged at the table, a pair of scruffy white sandals hanging limply from the small feet. The legs uncrossed, and walked over to the fire. Remus looked upwards and saw Ginny Weasley in pair of indigo culottes, and a baggy yellow tee-shirt emblazoned with a logo Remus couldn't make out from where his head was. 

"Hi!" Ginny said, smiling, a few strands of red hair loosened themselves from Ginny's ponytail and wafted across her freckled face. "D'you want mum or dad, or both?" 

"Hi Ginny. I'd like to see your father, if he is around." Remus asked, he had an itch on his nose. 

"I think he's just come in - covering for Tonks or something…" Ginny muttered, she slouched off to find her father. "DAD! DAD! REMUS LUPIN IS IN THE FIRE!" Remus started to wiggle his nose frantically trying in vain to stop it from itching. After what seemed like forever (his knees were starting to ache) Arthur came rushing in, his red eyebrows raised in suspicion. 

"Hello Remus!" Arthur exclaimed, smiling to himself. He drew up a chair and sat down in front of Remus's head. 

"Arthur, I need to talk." He whispered, he certainly didn't want to be overheard. 

"Talk? What about?" 

"Tonks." He muttered, he was now barely audible, Arthur had to bend down to try and hear him. 

"Oh. I see. I'm guessing she came tonight."

"Sorry?"

"Oh - nothing. Well… Actually Tonks came here for a talk with Molly. Seems like she took the advice! So what's the problem?" 

"Well, I'll give you a quick version - Tonks told me she, she loved _me_. And I well, felt the same way, but I _cant_ have a relationship with her… Due to me being a werewolf… I tried to explain this to her, but she stormed out. This is truly awful Arthur…" Remus shook his head gravely and looked away from Arthur's intent gaze. Remus didn't know how to go about explaining to Arthur what had happened, but he knew he had to say something. It would have been much easier if it was Sirius he was talking to. "Out on the square outside the house, a gang on Muggle youths, attacked her. They tried to _rape _her. Goodness knows what would've happened if I didn't arrive there on time…" 

"Oh my…" Arthur gasped. His blue eyes trailed off and focused on his own fireplace. "Is she alright? Was this just _now_?" 

"I don't know what to do Arthur. I feel so guilty in rejecting her… None of this would've happened if I just decided not to worry about being a werewolf for once, and actually acted humane! She's upstairs in the bath now. What do I do Arthur?" 

"To be truthful Remus, I don't know." Arthur sighed heavily, and looked down at Remus again. "I really don't." He bit his lip, and looked thoughtfully around the room. "Talk to her. Listen to her. Let her talk to you. Let her listen to you. But only once she's ready." Remus nodded his head. The Weasleys had the greatest essences of all four Hogwarts houses; Determination, bravery, wit, wisdom, fairness and loyalty. They'd never turn away a beggar (unless it was a bankrupt Malfoy). Maybe this combination made the Weasleys such a source of inspiration the Order sought in these gruelling times. Remus could do nothing but listen to Arthur's advice and act upon it. 

"Thank you Arthur. I'd best be off now. I think my legs will give way." Remus laughed.

"Well, goodbye, I hope I could help."

"Oh you have… You have. Do you mind not mentioning this to Molly, she'll only worry."

"My lips are sealed." Arthur smiled, he waved goodbye to Remus. Thankfully, Remus pulled his itching head out of the fireplace and materialised back to London. 

Scratching his nose with relish, he collapsed on to his moth-eaten chair sighing with ostensible relief. The silence was unbearable. Remus could hear nothing but the drip-drop of the tap, and the tick-tock of the clock. He wanted Tonks by his side now, he wanted to comfort her, talk to her… Do as Arthur said. He felt his eyes drooping slightly… _Must stay awake for Tonks… _They were closing, and he felt the veil of sleep swathe him in all its warmth and goodness like a mother embracing her newborn…

"Remus!" Tonks hissed, shaking Remus awake. "Wake up!" He opened one groggy eye and shut it again.

"I was having a nice dream… Haven't had a nice dream in months." Remus sank deeper into the chair, hoping Tonks would let him get at least five more minutes of sleep.

"Get up you lazy arse! It's nine in the morning!" Remus felt a soft slap on his left cheek, but he still didn't open his eyes. 

"I was a teacher at Hogwarts again, except Hogwarts wasn't a castle, it was a big bouncy castle instead, and we couldn't really cast any spells because it would puncture the castle. An utterly random dream, but it was better then the others." 

"That's nice…" Tonks muttered in an offhand manner. "I've made some bacon if you want some Remus." She said, this time more defiantly. Remus opened his eyes and saw that Tonks standing over the stove, wearing a green dressing gown that belonged to Remus. She had to fold back the sleeves as they were to big for her, and would've almost met her knees. 

"You're wearing my dressing gown." Remus laughed, pushing himself out of his chair. His back, neck and shoulders were aching from the position they had been stuck in for the past few hours. 

"I know. Only thing I could find. Don't mind do you?" Tonks turned around, and smiled at Remus. 

"Oh no, of course not Tonks. As long as you're staying here, what's mine is yours. Well apart from the boxers, I'm sure you don't fancy wearing them." Tonks laughed, she nearly dropped the frying in giggles. 

"No I don't fancy wearing your boxed. They'd be to big for me anyway!"

"You think so eh?" Remus chuckled, feeling his cheeks turn slightly pink. She nodded, and started to serve the bacon onto a plate. Her smile had vanished from her face, and she looked awfully downhearted, which was utterly understandable given last night's disastrous events. Tonks placed the plate on the table with two forks and sat down at the end of the table nearest the basement window.

Remus picked up a fork and stabbed a piece of bacon with it. But he didn't eat it. "Are you all right Tonks?" Tonks, pretended not to hear him, and carried on eating her slice of bacon. 

"Going to work today?" She asked conversationally, completely ignoring Remus's question. 

"No, I'm still on leave. You're not thinking of going _in _are you?" 

"Why? Has something happened that I should know about?" Remus dropped his fork and bacon. Tonks appeared to be pretending nothing had happened last night… 

"How can you talk like this?" 

"Talk like what? Is my tongue hanging out or something? Do I have food in my mouth?" 

"Tonks. You know very well what I'm on about!" Remus said rather harshly. His harsh tone made Tonks look at Remus properly, she could see straight into his amber-blue eyes. 

"I just don't want to talk about it, all right?" 

"No, it's not all right Tonks. You've always told me _never _to bottle up my feelings!"

"How would you know how I feel eh Remus?" Tonks hissed, his eyes narrowing. 

"Oh, and I've _never _been forced upon in my entire life have I?" Remus shouted sarcastically. He didn't normally loose his temper, but hypocrites quite often got on his nerves, and right at this moment Tonks was being hypocritical. 

"Yes… Of course you have… Sorry. I just didn't think." Tonks muttered, not looking Remus in the eye. 

"Tonks. I just want to help you feel better, if anything…" 

"I know you do… I know you do…" She let a pearly tear fall onto the green dressing gown. "It's just so hard… I've never felt so helpless. I was so frightened I couldn't move. I'm an Auror, we've been trained how to deal with that kind of thing, and I couldn't get them away from me… I'm hopeless."

"No you're not hopeless, not at _all_. Years ago when Voldemort was raging menace throughout Britain, many Death Eaters raped women in the Order. They'd been to hell and back, they couldn't hold off the Death Eaters - who could? If they reached for their wands, they'd be killed. You're not hopeless. Not at all. You didn't _get _raped, you called me remember? Say you were so scared you couldn't even utter a single word? But that wouldn't make you hopeless anyway. Oh Tonks, you're one of the bravest women I know. One of the most amazing women I know… _Never_ call yourself hopeless." Tonks sniffed, she realised Remus was holding her hands very tightly over the table. She nodded, letting a few more tears fall elegantly onto the bacon. 

"I love you Remus Lupin… You have no idea how much I do. It's welling up so tightly in my heart that I just want to explode… Its like the white of eggs being folded over in a mixing bowl, its curdling until it thickens… Oh god I love you… So much. I love you, body and soul. I will love you until I die. You're the most - the most remarkable person ever to walk the earth, you know that?" Remus felt a pricking sensation in his eyes. He threw his head back to try to restrain the tears from falling. 

__

"Oh _Tonks_…" He sighed, swallowing hard against the lump that was rising in the depths of this throat. Remus closed his eyes and turned his head towards the fireplace - to the photo of Sirius. He opened his eyes and saw the photo surveying Remus and Tonks with interest, if he could only talk to Sirius. Sirius would know what to do… He always did. 

"Remus?" Tonks averted his gaze from Sirius. He turned to look at her, his face sombre and saturated with thought and musings. 

"Yes?" He gazed into her eyes, her ocean eyes. You could swim in her eyes, go under and explore her soul, her very being. 

"Why can't you love me?" She let go of Remus's hands and plunged them into the pockets of the dressing gown. 

"I do love you…" He whispered with much suppressed emotion, his voice was shaking like it did when Sirius fell into the archway. He started to fidget with the buttons on his robes, he wasn't quite sure about how he was going to tell Tonks that he _did _love her - but couldn't _be _with her… 

"Tell me Remus. _Tell _me…" Tears of desperation were welling up in those oceanic eyes. "Please Remus… Don't put me through any more torture." Remus nodded. He picked up a glass of wine from the previous night and took a sip from it. He flinched at the taste, it was dire and stale, but it make him wide-eyed and alert. He was going to tell her. He was going to tell her _everything_ and make her understand. 

**__**

Author's Note - I am not kidding, I got tears in my eyes when I read your reviews… Really, I swear on Lily, James and Sirius's graves, I felt all warm and aglow when I read them! Please review again! 


	10. Night Of The Broken Glass

**__**

Never Fall In Love With A Werewolf. 

Chapter Ten - Night of the Broken Glass. 

Maybe it was the summer rain that had had suddenly, started to pour down on the basement windows of number twelve, Grimmauld Place, Islington, London, that created a certain uncomfortable atmosphere about the place. It made Remus rather reluctant to tell Tonks his reason for not being with her. 

Tonks was surveying Remus, eyeing him up with her ocean eyes, reading him like an open book. "Go on." She muttered, urging him on with a shaky voice. "I won't hate you. I can't hate you." Remus nodded glumly, and walked over to the stove. With shaking hands he reached up to the shelf above the stove and took the silver kettle. He then ambled over to the sink and filled it with cool water. Remus then strolled over to the stove, turned it on with a flick of his wand and placed the kettle on it. He fumbled around in a cupboard beside the stove for teabags and then picked up two mugs hanging off hooks in-between the sink and stove. 

"Your opinion of that may change when I'm finished, Tonks." Remus muttered hoarsely giving Tonks a steadying look. 

"I doubt that." Tonks groaned, folding her arms and rolling her eyes. 

"Well, it might." He poked the kettle with his wand to make it boil faster. 

"Well, if you got on with it, we can see, can't we?" She glared at Remus for a moment before smiling. 

"I'm waiting for the kettle to boil." He gestured to the kettle pointlessly.

"I gathered that."

"Good observation!" 

"You're dying to teach again aren't you?" 

"Yes, yes I am…" Remus sighed. "I love children, they're full of such energy, innocence, and they're taken for granted much to often. Many people believe children shouldn't be seen, and shouldn't be heard. I, on the other hand, love the complete opposite! I love nothing more the laughter of a child, or their shriek of discovery upon finding something remarkable in the classroom, or in their garden, like a piece of pottery from the black and white past." He paused and looked thoughtfully around the kitchen. A blast of steam suddenly emitted from the spout of the kettle. He placed the teabags into the mugs and poured the boiling hot water over them, he stirred with a spoon on the side, and added a trickle of milk to each mug. He went over to the table and passed a red mug to Tonks, and kept a green one for himself. Remus took a long draught from it before speaking again. "Do you want children?"

"Yes, so very much… But when I'm older, got quite a lot on my plate with the Order right now… And I wouldn't want to bring a child into _this _world… Poor Harry eh?" 

"I can only hope I can help guide him in the right direction… Well, he only has one direction that's _murder_. His destiny… I'll never forget the look upon James and Lily's faces when they found out about the Prophecy…" He took a swig of tea again. "He's the nearest to a son I'll ever get."

"Why? You're not infertile are you?"

"I might as well be." 

"What? _Why?_" 

"I cannot transfer my _curse _though sex, so a child won't be born a werewolf. That's not where the problem lies…" He closed his eyes, and drank some more tea. He had to stop these tears he could feel welling up in the corners of his eyes. Tonks put down her mug and looked at Remus intently. "It's a fear of mine to be honest. When I was a teenager at Hogwarts I'd spend hours on end making use of the library, reading about other werewolves and their lives. One story, I read when I had just turned eighteen, changed my perspective on life forever, changed how I lived life… It was about a woman called Ruby Quinn, she became a werewolf as a young adult in the nineteen-twenties, camping out in the New Forest near her Hampshire home - just so happened to be the full moon, and she got bitten by a werewolf. She came from a rich family, so she managed to deal with the _no-work _aspect of the curse. But, she married a wizard who loved her for who she was, and not what she was. They had children, twins, girl twins - Dorothy and Doris… Life was perfect for Ruby, even though she was a werewolf… Weeks after Dorothy and Doris's birth it was the full moon, and she escaped from her cage in the shed and killed her husband and newborn twins…" 

"My god…" Realisation was dawning upon Tonks, and she hung on to everything Remus said. 

"She was executed, like all werewolves who kill. In Hogsmead for the whole village to see, a single silver bullet was all that was needed to _dispose _of her." 

"Oh Remus…" 

"So, you see now? I vowed from that day I would never marry, or have children, in case I killed my wife, or murdered by children… It was bad enough living in the fear that I might bite James, Sirius or Peter after all they'd risked for me…" 

"What about the Wolfsbane Potion? Snape - Sorry, I mean Severus - I will never get used to calling him Severus, or working with him, after him being my Potions Master! Well anyway, isn't Severus making it for you anymore?"

"Oh he's still brewing for me, but say I forgot to take it one night. I have done before, I nearly bit Sirius, Harry, Ron and Hermione. I resigned from Hogwarts the day after." 

"That night was different, your life changed forever! That wouldn't happen again, would it?"

"It could. Things can take you by surprise. Expect the unexpected. Get bitten aged six, complete surprise. Made friends, complete surprise, they found out about me, another complete surprise, they because _Animagi for me, _Lily and James died… Thinking Peter died… Thinking Sirius betrayed Lily and James…. The worst night of my life… The worst surprise imaginable… But then, I became a teacher, I learned the truth about Sirius, the most wonderful surprises since _that _night. Then Sirius dieing… Life takes you by surprise, you have no idea what's going to hit you when you when you cross the road of life." Tonks didn't think there was anything that could sway Remus from thinking like this…

"There are new developments all the time - you could be cured one day. It's not in you to kill-"

"You've never seen me as a werewolf…"

"I have. When it was full moon the last time, I snuck in your bedroom and watched you…" Tonks said in a timid voice, not looking Remus in the eye. 

"I mean… As a raging monster, a murderous beast." 

"You've never killed anyone, have you?"

"No, thank god… Or bitten. To pass on this curse fills me with dread every time I see that fateful full moon."

"You won't ever be a killer, it's not in your instinct to kill." Remus couldn't do anything but disagree with Tonks. Every werewolf killed eventually, no matter how calm and collected Remus was. 

"You don't know that Tonks - say I killed you, you wouldn't be saying that then would you?" 

"Stop being so stubborn Remus. I _know _you wouldn't kill-"

"No, no, no, you don't understand - I have _no _control over my mind when I turn into a wolf, none whatsoever. I hate it… oh god, I _HATE _IT!" Remus bashed his fists onto the table, making Tonks jump, and the mugs rattle. 

"Remus?" Tonks asked tentatively, her eyes full of concern. 

"Sorry… I didn't mean to loose my temper…" He looked miserably around the kitchen, his fists feeling slightly sore. "I just want human blood when I'm a wolf. That's all I feel… _Get the prey, get the prey…_" 

"But not when you take Wolfsbane?" Remus nodded glumly and gazed into Tonks's eyes. "Do you think I'd let you forget to take your potion?" 

"Well, no, but you're not always here, and I'm not always here."

"And I wouldn't leave reminders around the place would I? I wouldn't do anything to try and be at your side twenty four hours, seven days a week?" Remus shrugged doubtfully and took his eyes away from Tonks's observing demeanour. He tried to say something to argue against Tonks, but he realised… _Why _was he looking for points of debate? Here was a women - his one true love, offering to be at his side always, offering to help him in times of need - _goodness, she has already helped in times of need_. Remus realised at that second in time, he _needed _Tonks. Through all the trouble and strife over the past month and so, Tonks had been at his side, guiding him through no matter how blind he was. It was as if, just _now _he had opened his eyes and saw the wonder that lay before him. 

Remus looked into his mug hopefully, and saw it was empty. He stood up and walked over to the stove to pour himself some more tea. Only this time he was joined by Tonks. "Want some more tea?" He asked pouring the hot water into the mug he was holding in his hand. She shook her head and stepped closer towards Remus. Her oceanic eyes caressing each premature line and faint scar on his face. 

"No… I want you." Remus took a sharp intake of breath as Tonks reached out and held his face in her small warm hands. She took in everything before she closed here eyes. A faint scar running down from his left eye and onto the corner of his left nostril, the kaleidoscope of colour in his eyes twinkling furiously, his pink lips open slightly in definite shock, his cheeks filling with a shade of pink Tonks had never seen. 

Remus knew what was happening, he was still holding the mug in his hand, but he was unaware of doing so. Tonks placed her supple lips on to his, and sensations ran through Remus's body; his veins and arteries screaming in sheer pleasure. Their tongues engaged in an erotic dance Remus hadn't preformed since his early adult life, sent Remus into frenzies of rigorous ecstasy. His head felt woozy with love and passion. Lost in the kiss, he dropped the mug onto the slate floor, and neither Remus Lupin or Nymphadora Tonks noticed the shards of ceramic glass shatter on the floor, or the wave of hot water tickling their bare feet. It was left ignored as they both gave into their zealous love for one another. 

Even in death, Sirius managed to bring two unlikely people together in love. We die, and we love - because we must. 

****

The End 

**__**

Author's Note - It's with a heavy heart I finish this. I've been writing this since the end of June, it's been my summer project, and I have you lot, the Reviewers to thank for commenting so wonderfully on this, I could just squeeze you all forever! I didn't think it'd take me the space of four months to finish this. But I did, and it's my pride and joy! First time writing a Remus fic, and it appears to have gone down well! Thank you so much for reviewing! I may write something else during the Halloween half-term or during the Christmas break, depends when I get time to myself. _So, thank you, again. You're the best reviewers a writer could ask for! If I was rich, I'd send roast dinners with Yorkshire puddings with a tub of our best Cornish ice-cream and some Cadbury's Chocolate. Very yummy things indeed! Something I can see Molly cooking, a good ole British Roast Dinner! Yum! _

To those who read Marauders - The Musical, sorry there hasn't been the usual Friday night update… I have good reason! I fell asleep after Sex and the City, very unlike me, but I had two hours sleep (there's a reason for that to! Had to get up at 6.30am for first day at college, and I saw my first shooting star whilst looking for Mars and Sirius last night, and got really excited!) and didn't get Friday night hyper… But anyway… 

I love you all!! Please review again, I'll probably burst into tears if you do, that's a good thing btw! 

_Until we meet again… _


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